Today I was listening to the song “Give us clean hands”, well that is it came up on my playlist while I was a work and the words caught my attention for some reason. I’ve heard the song probably hundreds of times but today when I heard the line “we cast down our idols” I started thinking about what idols I might need to be casting down; what are the things that I place higher on my priority list than God? Or whose opinion do I value more than God’s? I know that I get caught up on the first question, lives get busy and consumed with have tos that become priorities over prayer and worship and altogether seeking God, but today my heart and mind wish to more thoroughly examine the second question, whose opinion am I placing above the opinion of God in my life?
A month or so ago I broke down crying over the way I felt I was being treated by someone and how I thought they didn’t think I was good enough at something, later that night when I was discussing the situation with a friend she made the statement slash question, you know your value doesn’t come from what other people think of you? At first I shrugged it off with my reflex yes, but when she said it again I realized that was exactly what I had been doing and all I could do was cry. I would love to say it stopped then and there and that I don’t care what other people think of me but truth be told that was only the beginning, that night she opened my eyes to a lie my pride likes to reside in, but this past week that same lie in that same pride resurfaced once again and I bought it longer than I would have liked.
The story goes a little something like this; I was getting upset because I wasn’t getting to do what I wanted to do in the group, I knew my attitude was wrong but the lie was holding on tight and in my pride I didn’t want to admit that I might be the one stepping out of line. I was causing a lot of division where there should have been unity, to the point where I needed to be told to talk to someone and straighten out whatever was going on between us. At that point I knew there was something really wrong, but I still didn’t understand why I was so upset then during prayer it hit me and I started crying when someone began saying how much everyone in the group was appreciated and belonged there and stuff like that. In the end I realized that I was being defensive because I was feeling underappreciated. I was once again taking the perceived opinions of others to a level higher than God’s, after that I apologized for my actions and the way I behaved, I admitted my own pride and was truly thankful for being humbled. It was a beautiful moment and as hard as it was to live through I’m glad it happened, but I know it’s still not the end and from my view these still feel like baby steps I’m taking, but I think it’s worth the walk, and the pain that sometimes comes with the falls.
A month or so ago I broke down crying over the way I felt I was being treated by someone and how I thought they didn’t think I was good enough at something, later that night when I was discussing the situation with a friend she made the statement slash question, you know your value doesn’t come from what other people think of you? At first I shrugged it off with my reflex yes, but when she said it again I realized that was exactly what I had been doing and all I could do was cry. I would love to say it stopped then and there and that I don’t care what other people think of me but truth be told that was only the beginning, that night she opened my eyes to a lie my pride likes to reside in, but this past week that same lie in that same pride resurfaced once again and I bought it longer than I would have liked.
The story goes a little something like this; I was getting upset because I wasn’t getting to do what I wanted to do in the group, I knew my attitude was wrong but the lie was holding on tight and in my pride I didn’t want to admit that I might be the one stepping out of line. I was causing a lot of division where there should have been unity, to the point where I needed to be told to talk to someone and straighten out whatever was going on between us. At that point I knew there was something really wrong, but I still didn’t understand why I was so upset then during prayer it hit me and I started crying when someone began saying how much everyone in the group was appreciated and belonged there and stuff like that. In the end I realized that I was being defensive because I was feeling underappreciated. I was once again taking the perceived opinions of others to a level higher than God’s, after that I apologized for my actions and the way I behaved, I admitted my own pride and was truly thankful for being humbled. It was a beautiful moment and as hard as it was to live through I’m glad it happened, but I know it’s still not the end and from my view these still feel like baby steps I’m taking, but I think it’s worth the walk, and the pain that sometimes comes with the falls.
nice.
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