Run Away or Stay

I want to run away, but I also want to stay. I know that I want to do more with my life than the typical grow up, get a job, get married, have a family sort of plan; unfortunately I am very timid and rooted. I see my friends going across the Globe to minister to, and pour out God’s love on people and I think to myself if only I were different, if only I started when I was younger, if only I didn’t need to stay here. I tell myself that’s not God’s plan for me, I’m not gifted in evangelism, I’m not confident enough, I’m not this, I’m not that, I’m just not… I look at my life and I see responsibilities that fall to me; things I can’t run from or leave to someone else, things I can’t abandon and wouldn’t want to.

I see this ordinary life falling into place and wonder, is this what I’m suppose to do, is this who I’m suppose to be, is this how my life turns out? But with these questions there is hope and I know there’s more, because ordinary is what you make it. What seems common on the surface, monotonous, typical and altogether boring can be so much more. As far a traveling the world goes, I’ve done it before and will do it again, as far a pouring out God’s love, my heart breaks for the broken people I see all around me, and as far as gifts and calling, I’m still searching, but I know Who to look to.

I’d like to run away, find another home in some far off land being the hands and feet of Jesus to the world, in a place hungry and thirsty for His love, it’s a life of adventure, consumed with God’s presence and beyond what I could imagine. Or I take the harder path, I listen to the still small voice in my heart, that says not yet and be faithful. I’ll follow the road that keeps me here for a little while longer; the one of everyday and reality, the one consumed with family and work and the subtlety of God’s presence in an ordinary day, learn to be Jesus hands and feet in a culture turned off to the church, and oblivious to the fact they are starving and in need of a Savior. You see I want to run away, but I also want to stay.

This Little Light of Mine

What can I say about me and my life without making it seem like I’m completely lost, totally confused or my world is coming to an end? I’d like to believe I’m a pretty passionate person, that I care deeply about things and will stand up for what I believe in. but how do I show this passion, what makes me of all people different from everyone else in the world? What are theses things that I claim to believe and care so deeply for, what if anything would I be willing to fight for if I were challenged, do you know me, do you know what they are? If my view were questioned, what do I believe?

On a typical day my light does not always do justice to what it should, and most of the time I come across more like your average little church girl than anything else. But what is not so easily seen is that behind my good girl image are strong convictions that are more than just stereotypical religion. What drives me is not religion and the rules that follow, but rather the relationship available to me with my Creator through Christ. It’s this promise of relationship and the time I spend with Him that makes me, me.

And that brings me back to question number one of this post and why I always feel like a bit of a drama queen when I write. To be completely honest, my life is not all that interesting and pretty drama free most of the time. But you see this is my outlet, this blog as a whole, it’s my story, my view. My walk falls short of what I desire to be, and I suppose that’s why I write; to shine my light the best way I know how. You see, I know all the steps, all the motions to go through, but relationship is more than that, and writing is how I seek Him. I hope and pray that one day in the not so distant future, that my everyday moments will be as caught up in God as my writing is, but until that day comes all I can do is try my best and just continue walking and well, writing, I may not have it all together but hey that’s why I do what I do. I’m a writer so I’m writing cause that’s what writers do.

This Truth

1 Corinthians 13:6
Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.

 

I’ve been trying to write about this verse for a few weeks now, but every time I start I get a few sentences in and then it starts to feel forced or shallow, and when writing about truth shallow is just well, false. So attempt number… don’t even ask and the question remains, what is truth?

 

I read something today, an analysis of a certain psalm, number 29 to be exact and the point that this writer made, the truth that any number of Christians overlook on a daily basis, the truth that’s hard to swallow but easy to forget, and it says GOD IS HOLY, but what is this truth and what does it really mean? You see, we sing these words in songs, and use them in our prayers, but how often do we fully taste their bittersweet truth.

 

I hope you’re still reading this, and I’m not really trying to go all gloom and doom on you, but truth isn’t always pretty, in fact, most of the time its messy, it’s the stuff that brings you down a notch when you feel you’ re on the top of the world and messes with your head when you think you’ve got things figured out, truth is the last thing you want to hear when you think you’re right and the hardest thing to take when you find you were wrong.

 

But love, why does love rejoice in the truth then? And that brings me back to this one, this truth of the God I call mine, and that’s the flaw, He belongs to no man, for He is Holy. The Old Testament, the first 39 books of the bible, the ones we often skip over or tell new Christians not to start with, the Old Testament is filled with this truth. Story after story of the Glory of God, story after story of His power, His strength, His judgment, wrath and His most wonderful Holiness; Moses shone with the glory of His presence, Isaiah feared death at the sight of His throne, Saul lost his kingdom for disregard of His Word, and over and over people died for entering into His presence without respect of His Holiness.

 

So where dose that leave us and, what about the New Testament; the stories we love to read, stuff of miracles, healings, grace, peace, hope, love, Jesus? What about all that, that’s truth too, right? And its newer, that must be the God I serve, right? The pretty One who forgives and blesses, I serve Jesus; the one who heals and delivers, Old Testament… wrath, judgment, that was before Jesus, it must be different now, Right?

 

But God is still Holy. And that is why we need Jesus to save us, the question; that big one, why did Jesus have to die? Because God is Holy.

 

“but we forget, with little difficulty, that it was God’s justice,the
necessity of holiness, that brought death to give life. It is His holiness that
required the shedding of blood, the losing of life, to be the only way to make things right. It was the turning of His back that darkened the
sky as our Christ breathed finality.

-David Crowder
Praise Habit

 

God is Holy, He can not look on sin, His holiness dose not allow it, and that is why Jesus had to die, His blood; the price for our sin and the soap that washes sin off, so that our Holy Father can look at us, this is the truth, the stuff that love rejoices in, its messy and beautiful, sad and joyous, it’s the definition of bittersweet, God is so Good that death is the price to draw near to Him, love rejoices in the truth.