A Scream and A Whisper

I just want to talk, have a conversation with a friend about what’s on my heart, the trouble is I don’t have the words to describe what it is exactly that’s on my heart, and all I have in front of me is a pen and a notebook, so where do I begin? First thought that crosses my mind as I write these words is that when Michal reads that sentence she will inevitably notice that I used the word “have” three times and that, I do not in fact desire to hold ownership over a conversation, or the words that I speak or write, and that even though by all normal social standards I do in fact own this pen and this notebook, it was actually the act of writing which I was trying to describe so that cannot be owned either. Okay with that sentence all straightened out I think I can now move on.

Last week I poured my heart over these pages and decided that I am going to learn how to play the guitar, and then I picked that thought back up and held onto it for a week. This thought is one to which everything inside of me is screaming “don’t let go” and this is one thought where God is whispering “give this to Me” I know enough truth here to know if I don’t give this desire to God I will never do it on my own, so its actually an easy choice to make. But this easy choice is one that needs to be made everyday because in all honesty when are that scream and that whisper ever in agreement? Everything we do or get the opportunity to have fall into this easy choice category and need to be given to God. That is the truth I was referring to earlier and sometimes as Christians we can tune out the screaming inside of us and say “okay God this is yours” but, how often do we ignore the whisper and listen to the scream because we want it or its more convenient and wait until our own efforts have fallen apart or blown up in our faces to say okay God I’m giving this to you now so you can pick up the pieces and put the puzzle back together, and of course God is faithful so He dose just that, but how much further along could we have been if we had listened to the whisper in the first place, and how much closer would our relationship with God be if we would follow His voice instead of our own.

So tonight here’s my view. I long to be in relationship with God, the Father, His Son and the Holy Spirit, He knows what’s on my heart without any words, but listens when I talk anyway, and answers with a whisper that louder than my scream. What He asks is both the simplest thing and the hardest thing in the world to do at the same time. He says He who finds his life will lose it and he who loses His life for My sake will find it, so what is my life, just my hopes and dreams, everything I ever want to be, do or have, basically all He asks for is everything that makes me who I am, easy right? But it is, because when we lay ourselves down at His feet, He lifts us up and says walk with Me I’ll show you the way, and most likely His way will lead right back to all those hopes and dreams in an even better way that we thought possible. So tonight, my view, I think I’ll listen to the whisper.