Simple as a song

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

Every morning while in Guatemala we had group devotions, at the end of our devotions we would conclude with a time of worship and prayer; everyday at some point in our devotions, worship or prayer this phase, this idea would come out that He sings over us, everyday I would ask God to hear this song; on several occasions throughout the week I could feel this prayer being answered and I would begin to sing. The most obvious of these times that I was granted my prayer was on Wednesday (what can I say Wednesday was a good day) at the refugee camp after I prayed for Gloria I began to just walk the room and pray, after a few minuets of this, my prayer changed from speaking to singing, I just couldn’t stop myself and I didn’t want to, I cherish this moment; something so simple as a song. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, I believe with all my heart the right song heard at the right moment can change a life, this song that I sang I didn’t understand as far as words were concerned, but it came from my heart and God knows what it means. I found something that day as I quietly sang along with God’s song, it was something like peace or joy, maybe that’s what it meant, all I know is that this may be the song that changes my life, if only because I know that God sings over me.

He will rejoice over you with singing

Gloria

I sit here tonight and my heart longs for purpose and direction. I'm trying to think of what story to tell from Guatemala, how do I describe what I experienced there, how do I capture a moment from that week and do it justice with my simple words. The moment I choose to try my hand at is from Wednesday, on that day we visited a refugee camp; people, wonderful beautiful, people who lost most if not all they owned, including homes and possibly family were being housed in a school in Chichi. As we arrived I took to tasks, my job was puppet coordinator so I helped set up the stage, and talked to a few of my team members to be sure we had people behind our puppets, once that was done I decided to help pass out tickets; a few people were already passing out to the kids so I grabbed a ribbon and handed them to the adults around the room, once those tasks were complete it was about time for our service to start. As adorable as the children in the room were I did not feel drawn to sit by them, so I wandered the background with my roll of tickets in hand waiting to pass them out to anyone who may enter late. As I stood in the back behind the children with the adults to the side in chairs along the wall, this sweet young lady walks up to me and asks if I would like a chair; knowing that I would soon be going backstage to get ready for one of our dramas I politely decline, but was extremely touched by her offer. After our drama as our service was coming to a close we prayed for anyone there who wanted prayer; this is where I meet Gloria, this same sweet young lady who had earlier offered me a comfortable place to sit now came for comfort, Luke and I prayed for her together, since I don't know much Spanish I told him to ask her what she would like prayer for, form what he told me, she said she was nervous about her life, her future, I asked God to give her peace and direction, to comfort her and be evident in her life, as we finished I was once again touched by this girl as she told us God bless you and gave us both hugs, after that she just stood where she was and waited I do believe in expectation ready to receive God's peace in that moment. I love it, her faith was more real than anything I have felt since I've been home, this moment, this story truly touches my heart; since arriving home my mind has not been able to stop, I feel lost and my life has seemed nothing more than gloomy the last few days, then I think of Gloria, when she came to my mind today I felt almost sick with myself, broken down over all the sadness I have let myself fall into this week, wondering why I feel so lost just because people around me are making decisions, and taking steps that change their lives. Gloria, beautiful Gloria lost her home, all she had, maybe even family and friends in a mudslide, in and instant what she thought her life was changed by no decision of her own, yet she stood and waited on the Lord. Tonight I am ready to wait, I have my home, I have more possessions that I really need, I have my family and even if some of my friends are moving on to new things in their lives, they are not lost forever. Before we left that place I saw a smile on Gloria's face, I thank God for her tonight, I ask once again for Him to grant her direction and continue to comfort her as she finds her new path in life.

Jehovah-Raah

The Lord is my Shepard

Open Doors

Hi... in all my loneliness about returning "home" I missed something very important; God has a plan and a purpose for my life. Tuesday night before youth we worshiped and prayed like we always do; I'm still processing Guatemala, missing my mission trip "family" and then add in my friend Tyler won't be coming to youth after the fist week of July and he is leaving end of August begining of September and when you throw all that together I'm a bit of a mess this week, especially when you also add a sever lack of sleep, so with all that being said we were worshiping and praying Tuesday night, when Ben said that he felt like we needed to go around our little circle and have everyone pray, my first thought was I don't know what I'm going to say. Then God started speaking to me; He knew that i was sad, confused even lonely, He told me I needed to be thankful for open doors. It seems like everyone around me is on the edge of a new season in their lives, taking steps through open doors, I felt like I was being left behind; like where is my door and then God told me to be thankful for open doors, that's all I needed and I knew in that moment He was telling me that I have a door too, maybe not today, I might have to wait for it but that door is there, and so very worth the wait. I hope it opens soon, I pray for clarity an the path towards it, I'm still a little sad, I'm still a bit lonely but in order for me to find this wonderful, beautiful, amazing door God has for me to walk through I can't go backward, I need to keep looking forward and focus on God, and let Him guide this path.

Home???

Day one back from Guatemala and I feel incredibly lonely; we had a lot of down time this year and I can honestly say that I bonded with the team a lot; by the end of the week it felt almost like we were some sort of family. Then today I was home and without all of them around me and I feel more than lonely; I know it’s silly that that is the thing I seem to miss most right now but its just the first thing, the most obvious of what I don’t have here with me today, I miss so much more than that but right here right now as I should be going to sleep, I just really need to get it out, to say today was hard for me, today as I come home I have so many thoughts running through my mind that I can’t even process them, and all I can think in that chaos is I don’t want to go to work in the morning, I feel terribly lonely I just want my “family” back, and my home doesn’t feel like home today. I’m sorry that I can’t describe my wonderful, beautiful, amazing trip to Guatemala right now, but my heart needs time to process the change and this is where I stand in this moment on this page of my story surrounded by the familiar things of my life, but completely out of sorts in this place called home.

The View

I find myself searching for the beginning of my story and I’m not sure where to start. So I’ll take the view from today. In less than one week, five days to be exact I will be on my way to Guatemala for the second time. I could talk about my previous trip and tell you how it changed me; tell you how I’m not the same person I was the last time that I went. I could say how my heart longs to return, how I want nothing more than to give my whole heart to that place and let God take control of it. I could make a list of things I wish to see and let you know how much I long for God to open my eyes. But in the end what is my story? Its about a girl just living her life, a life she desires to give to God, a life that was bought with a price to be given as an offering, and this is my life, my path is not my own I didn’t earn it, what’s mine is how I get to see it, the way I see is special, no one else walks this same path and sees the way I see, so the view form today is just that a view all my own that I will try to enjoy. Less than one week that is what consumes my thoughts today, but every moment is special and today is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad.

Once Upon a Time

Time to tell a story, so I decided today that I would try to write an opening for my blog (this blog) and explain my life and how I wish to see the world; this is my second draft, I started over because what would have been my first entry seemed to come across to dramatic and a lot like nicely written words that didn’t really represent me or rather more me as a theory or idea of my life and not so much me as a person writing from my heart. As a started over with my “story” that word story made me think of To Write Love On Her Arms and how Jamie is always saying how everyone has a story, and how every story matters, and how they go out and put on events; these events to share the message of hope and help and healing and when it comes right down to it the best part of what they do is found in the moments when they get to hear the stories; and one of the coolest things they do is when they hear these stories they really listen and make people feel just a little bit better by reminding them that their story matters. All that being said when I think about this blog and what I wish for it to be, I think I’d like to tell my story, some days this story will be full of adventure and growth, beauty and change, other days it may be nothing more than what seems to be an ordinary life being lived be an ordinary girl. But ordinary is what you make it and I do believe with all my heart that there is beauty to be found in every moment, that we live in a world filled with the wonderful, amazing beautiful creation of God. This is my story, my view of the world, the perspective God has given me and the best part about this story, view and perspective is that as I continue to seek after God, He will continue to write this story, the view will continue to change and my perspective will grow beyond it’s limits.

“… Look at your eyes they’re so small in size but they see enormous things…” mewithoutYou