tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80448605743028169882024-03-13T23:40:01.461-04:00Moments of StarrlightStarrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-54970880962359207892015-01-06T20:21:00.000-05:002015-01-06T20:21:27.612-05:00Fasting Day 2 Marriages
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Ephesians 5:33</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Each one of you also must love his
wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Let me start
by stating the obvious, I am fully aware that I am not the most qualified person
to talk about marriage, in fact I am pretty sure that inexperienced in the
marriage department is a fair statement in regards to my qualification on the
subject, but marriages are the prayer focus for today so my thoughts on paper
or screen rather go as follows.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">With the
statement that each one of you must love his wife from this verse from Ephesians,
it gets me thinking about love, and the all of the massively different ways
that people in the world choose to define that word, I know there I go again on
the whole definition bunny trail, but that’s not really the point this time, my
point is with such a large verity of ways that we choose to define this one
word, one of the most frequently overlooked definitions is the one that reminds
us that love is a choice. A choice that is most easily made when accompanied with
affection, the appreciation of beauty and a similar direction of life as the
person to whom it is applied to, but it is a choice. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">This choice
in regards to marriage is a command from God, you see I believe wholeheartedly that
God knows the man I will marry, not because I think that there is one perfect
guy out there in world for me but because I believe that God knows which out of
the numerous men out in the world that I could be happy with, the one I will
choose to love and commit to loving, commit to choosing regardless of if he
makes me angry, frustrated, annoyed, impatient, worried and stressed or happy,
appreciated, respected, beautiful and understood at the end of the day it’s
still a choice. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">And so as I fast
and pray for marriages in the church today, of course I think about my future
and the work that I will face one day when, but more than that I hope and
believe that as the church we will be able to more readily and frequently make
the choice to love in spite of the world saying otherwise, that as a church we
will possess a greater reverence for the commitments that we make to love, that
as a church we will find more grace to stay together, more joy with one another
and more peace in our households, today I’m believing for the marriages of the
church to be more centered around God. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-87149685256129376032015-01-05T20:54:00.000-05:002015-01-05T22:12:09.283-05:00Fasting Day 1 Revival <br />
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">2 chronicles 7:14</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">If my people who are called by my name
will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked
ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and heal their lands<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">So my honestly
first thought after reading this verse was, what does that have to do with
revival? It’s not talking about anything that I automatically associate with revival,
no massive move of God, forgiveness of sins yeah but no powerful awaking of My
people type deal, nothing overly spiritual in any way, and what does healing of
their lands even mean? My second thought was how about I just ignore the verse
and talk about what revival means on my terms because the two are not
connecting for me right now and I don’t want to try and make this all work out
today… so I looked it up, figured let’s start off “my” discussion on revival
with a nice solid definition and work out from there, and what do you know,
light bulb moment, and I humbly admit my first impressions are not always correct
and I now understand the connection. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Revival is defined as</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">Restoration to life, consciousness,
vigor, strength, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">The key that I
am pulling out of this definition is restoration, and of course that is exactly
what this verse from 2 chronicles is talking about. If My people will humble themselves,
pray seek and turn… then I will forgive and heal. The point, the connection is
in the turning of us back to God, once we do He restores, He forgives sins and
heals lands, when we turn to Him He revives, restores the life that once was. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">So my
question now that I understand the connection is what does revival mean slash
look like in regards to my life, what does it look like in the church, what am I
really supposed to be praying about, fasting for today in regards to revival? What
does restoration to life mean when we are talking about the church, and my
thought is that it probably looks something like the call in the 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup>
and 3<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">rd</span></sup> chapters of Revelation, the church as a whole in the world
does a lot right but also has much that needs improving on, revival to the
church means repentance, anointing, zealousness, life, truth, perseverance and
love, when we are talking about a restoration to life and consciousness then believing
for revival in the church means believing something along the lines of the
church being restored to what was once the best version of itself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Verdana",sans-serif;">And then
there is me and what does revival, restoration to life and consciousness mean
in my personal life? It could mean healing, it could mean joy, it could mean
peace, it could mean provision, it could mean any number of different things
but when it comes right down to it, I think it’s much the same as what it means
for the church it means believing that my relationship with God will be
restored to what it once was, be restored to the best version of itself.
Revival is about turning back to God, we have all been called to seek Him, to
humble ourselves knowing that His forgiveness brings restoration and healing to
our lives, brings what once was dead in the world to what is alive in Christ,
brings revival. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-43410895506476965952014-03-03T17:14:00.000-05:002014-03-08T18:31:15.714-05:00Independence and Vision (Guatemala Conclusion)<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">From the moment we got off the plane in Guatemala City I could
feel that this trip was going to be far more independent than the last two;
that this trip was mine to experience on my own without expectations from anyone
around me. As we drove the three hours from Guatemala City to Chichi I was
alone in my own little world, looking out the window with open eyes,
contemplating what this week would be and listening for whatever God wanted to
tell me, and what He told me was that it was okay to be alone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As the week progressed that thought became more clearly not
about being alone, but rather about being enough on my own. For the longest
time now I’ve been living under the impression that I would figure out what I wanted
to do with my life after I met my husband and got married, that God’s plan for
me so involved another person that I would not be able to figure it out or do
it by myself. And even though I still believe that it’s in God’s plan for me to
be a wife one day, I very clearly now know that I need to stop thinking as
though there is no other plan than that, because more than anything I can hear
God telling me that I am enough to be used by Him as I am right now on my own. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And it was through that independence and clarity
of God’s voice that I was also able to take hold of the connection to Guatemala
that I so desperately wanted, and the ministry that I served with there. Through
every build, every feeding program, everything we did, heard and saw my eyes
were opened to the heart that God has for that country and the people serving
Him there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the end I know in my heart that I want to go back, and
also that I don’t want to go back alone. On coming home I found that my solitary
trip started a fire in the lives of many of my friends as well, that God was
able to use my experience to speak life and truth into scores of people around
me while also clarifying a vision of my own all the more. After one week back in
the reality that is my west Michigan existence, the truth about independence
that God has given me is leading me into a vision, (drum roll please) the
vision that a large part of my purpose in going to Guatemala will be in leading
a team of my own one day, what do you make of that.</span> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-48786586980668762532014-03-02T20:21:00.001-05:002014-03-02T20:21:38.308-05:00Stepping Out (Guatemala part two)<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just over a week ago I returned from my third mission trip
to Guatemala and I’m still not quite back yet. As I have said on second trip I felt
like it would not be my last, that I would be going back, at the time I took
this thought for granted and assumed I would be going again the next year with
my normal group of people (my sister and others from my church) but of course that’s
not how life works and it took me a little longer and a slightly different
course to get there. About four months ago I received an e-mail from the
ministry that I served with on my two previous trips telling me that there was
a team going down in February looking for four more people to join them. So let
me just say this is not something I normally would have jumped at, I don’t
generally enjoy doing things on my own, and as I said my last two trips were
with my sister and people from my church I had gotten to know really well, so
that fact that I even considered this was kind of crazy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Long story short I prayed about it and decided that I was supposed
to go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So somehow I made this decision to step out in faith and go
to Guatemala on my own with a group of complete strangers, in all honesty it
scared me like you would not believe, to the point that even after I made the
decision to go there was still a battle in my mind for weeks between being
really really excited and completely and totally overwhelmed at the mere
thought of what I had decided to do. This trip would be different than any that
I had gone on before, I had no idea what to expect, and even though I knew in
my heart I was supposed to go I had no idea why, so my only clear thought on
the matter was that my last trip was not the last time I would be going and
that this was my opportunity to return and live out the promise of going back,
and that this would either be my final goodbye or my new start in finding my
way back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thankfully the latter won out. I don’t even know where to
start with how wonderful this whole experience was for me and how much God has
spoken to and is still speaking to me about what He is doing in my life. The trip
itself was completely amazing, I connected flawlessly with the team and had
more fun than I could have even hoped for and I truly believe all of it played
out exactly how it was meant to. As I said before the second time I went to
Guatemala I wanted more than anything to feel the connection that so many of my
friends had to it and I simply missed the mark, so this time with my fight
against expectations I was almost preparing myself to say goodbye but instead
finally caught hold of the connection and for the first time was really able to
say hello…</span> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-3188925085915325642014-03-02T16:15:00.001-05:002014-03-02T20:33:15.108-05:00The Past Makes Us Who We Are (Guatemala part one)<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Roughly three
and a half years ago I took my second trip to Guatemala, I went with my sister
and a group from our church, as a team we meet weekly for about 3-6 months
before the trip to pray, prepare, and establish community and unity for what we
were about to do. As that team we spent about a week serving in the mountains
of Guatemala and ministering as best we could to all those we came in contact
with. By the time we came home most if not all of us felt like family or at
least close friends, and had gone through what most people would call a life
changing or once in a lifetime experience. It’s crazy how it works but that’s what
the mission field does to people, whatever the trip happens to be it’s nearly impossible
not to be changed by it in some way.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-spacerun: yes;">
<br />
</span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In my time
getting ready for that trip I wanted more than anything to feel a connection to
Guatemala, the connection my sister and several other members of my team had
talked about, you see I didn’t feel it the first time around, that trip was
about something else for me, so I was sure on take two I would finally get it,
have that life altering I need to move here kind of moment, but simply put I was
wrong. And if you had asked me then what that trip was about I would have said community,
we did a lot of good work while we were there, we served our purpose and
blessed the ministry, but what I missed most when I got home was not Guatemala or
the ministry we were serving it was my team and the community we lived in for
that week together, you see I’ve never been a super social person and I’m not
the best at making friends, but I’m not really a loner either and I don’t like
doing things on my own so in that moment in that community I felt like I belonged
and that’s what I wanted to hold onto. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
<br />
</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But when we
came home life happened, instead of sticking together and living like the
church we stared living our lives again, myself included. So from event after
event, to circumstances and countless situations life took its toll and our community
fell apart. People made stupid decisions that drew them away from God and the
people who loved them, some chose different paths or churches and moved on with
their lives and others simply faded gradually, no bold statements or conscious
decisions but three and a half years later I don’t really know them anymore,
and out of a group of 16 people I’m more than facebook friends with only three.</span>
<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
<br />
</span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So why am I writing
all of this? And what does it have to do with my most recent trip? Well for
starters I’m writing it because it’s what happened, I might not like it, I might
not be proud of it but it’s part of who I am in a way, when I got home three
and a half years ago my trip was about the people I shared it with, but if you
asked me today what that second trip was about the people would only be a small
part of it because maybe in that season I needed that community but now I belong
to a different community and that old one no longer exists. That may sound
harsh and by all means it should not have turned out this way but it happened and
I learned from it and I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes and that’s what
it has to do with my most recent trip. But also when I look back on that trip
now what I remember most is that when we left God told me I would be going back
to that place and I did…</span> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span> </span></div>
Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-6712475098233738732014-02-01T15:24:00.002-05:002014-03-02T20:26:15.798-05:00Simple<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I spend a lot of time thinking about my life, making lists
of all the things I want to do, goals for this year or my one day when, buts that’s
usually about as far as I get, the thinking, and then I start on the beating
myself up for not taking the next steps to do the things I want to do, to be
the person I want to be. I didn’t work out today, I didn’t read my bible, I didn’t
clean my room, I ate that candy bar, I ordered pizza again, I spent too much
money, I lost my temper, I lost my patient, I didn’t talk to her, I should have
done this, I could have done that better, the list goes on and on. And all the beating
myself up makes me think of when Paul wrote to the Romans <span style="color: #cc0099;">For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil
I will not to do, that I do. </span>And yeah maybe my “evil” is laziness or
pride, but that is exactly the stuff that holds me back from being the person I
desire to be, the stuff that I always beat myself up for. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And so I read Paul’s soliloquy about doing and not doing,
and being a slave to sin in the flesh and all that jazz, and then I keep reading
from chapter 7 to chapter 8 where he reminds us <span style="color: #cc0099;">there
is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus </span>and I think yeah
that should me, my faith makes me righteous, one who is in Christ. And so all
those thoughts that I beat myself up and condemn myself with are obviously not
truth, just more of the evil that I will not to do; that bit of pride that
tells me I need to be perfect to fulfil some sort of purpose in my life, which
intern drives me back to being lazy or inconsiderate and doing the evil thing
all over again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So the question now becomes; how can I make my list and
actually do all the things I want to do to be the person that I want to be, and
somehow conquer the laziness without being prideful and somehow conquer the
pride while still achieving all my goals and becoming a “better” person?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And the answer comes at the end of chapter 8 <span style="color: #cc0099;">yet in all these things we are more than conquers through
Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels
nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor
height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us
from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus are Lord. </span>And so the truth
is that God already loves me, that completing my list won’t make Him love me any
more and failing day after day won’t make Him love me any less, that my
laziness or my pride will never separate me from His love, and it is that very
love that gives me the ability to be more than a conquer in my life and
actually do the things I desire to do. simple.</span> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-18296351509437317052013-10-13T08:25:00.002-04:002013-11-13T21:00:35.728-05:00Bible Report<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One of my thoughts for the past several weeks/months is that
it has been far too long since I’ve written anything and also that it is so
much harder to start something up again when you’ve neglected it. This blog for
example, I feel the need to catch you up with my life or something but that has
become far too daunting task to achieve and so my conclusion has become that if
I ever intend to write on here again I must simply ignore the absence and start
writing. And so that is my intent today to go back to my roots and simply
write. So, the first time I ever remember writing something that was not for
school or maybe just the first time I remember writing something meaningful was
5 or 6 years back when my sister challenged me to read my bible and write about
it; the task was simple, read at least one chapter a day and then write about
what stood out to me in what I read. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So the chapters I read today were Matthew 19&20 and Proverbs
13 and the verses that stood out and connected for me were…</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Proverbs 13:7</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
There is one who makes himself rich, yet has nothing; and
there is one who makes himself poor, yet has great riches</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Matthew 19:30</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
But many who are first will be last, and the last first.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Matthew 20:27&28</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
And whoever desires to be first among you let him be your
slave- just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to
give His life a ransom for many. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
All of the statements made here in these verses are pretty straightforward
and in most cases can be applied to being charitable; giving of your money or
time, and there is truth in that but there is also a statement being made about
pride and humility and the kingdom of heaven. Because in the world we live in
the general mindset of society is all about getting; getting money, getting
power, or just getting more people to listen to what you have to say. But that
is not the mindset of the kingdom of heaven. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you have ever spent time reading the gospels you may have
noticed that Jesus shares a lot of parables and that most of them start out
with “the kingdom of heaven is like…” and then He goes on to continue with
whatever point He is choosing to make that day. Now I’m not a great bible scholar
or even someone who really likes reading the parables, but from what I’ve heard
read and remember the kingdom of heaven is not run like and does not follow the
same rules as any kingdom we have here on earth. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So with that in mind, the kingdom of heaven and life as a Christian
is not about getting more, it’s about giving til it hurts and putting others
before yourself, in essence it’s about humbling yourself to the point of being
last, poor and a slave because God is the only One who can truly make you first,
rich and free and maybe when it comes right down to it that might be the point
that God wants to make with your life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-61634943007012875132013-02-23T09:49:00.001-05:002013-02-23T09:49:34.062-05:00I Want To Be<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ve really been struggling lately, I’m having a hard time
connecting with people, and my dive to be social is gone, I find myself
complaining all the time and when I look for beauty and joy it’s more than a
little hard to find. My life hasn’t really changed and there is no good reason
for me to be feeling the way that I do, so why has this depression sprung up
now, why am I weary and burnt out and what good is going to come from writing
about it? I could create a list, all the reasons why I think this has struck
me, but I don’t think I want to do that. You see the reasons don’t really
matter at this point, the only thing that matters is getting past the reasons
and overcoming the way that I feel in order to be the person that I like again.
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don’t know exactly how to do that, and at the risk of
sounding overdramatic, when I feel this way it’s sometimes hard to remember
what really brings me back to normal. But normal will return eventually and I’m
not blind to the attack so I have the mind to fight back, to look for beauty even
though its hard, to stay connected even if it’s just one person, to be social
even though I don’t want to, to be positive when my instinct is to complain and
to somehow find rest without abandoning my life. But most importantly to pray,
because no matter what I do, who I talk to or how much I fake it til I make it,
I know that my joy comes from the Lord, He is the One that gives me rest and
seeking Him is what I need to remember most when I can’t remember anything else,
because it’s Him who makes me the me I want to be. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-88383766131456289562012-10-08T18:05:00.002-04:002012-10-13T12:04:12.309-04:00New Blog<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I decided to start a new
blog dedicated to my health and fitness story, I’m not going to eliminate this
blog I just wanted to start a new one, if you are interested in reading more of
my ramblings I included a link in this post and added it to my reading list on
the side, I hope you check it out, thank you <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://anotherstarrlightjournal.blogspot.com/">http://anotherstarrlightjournal.blogspot.com/</a></div>
Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-34993810538344340562012-04-29T19:16:00.000-04:002012-04-29T19:16:52.159-04:00My Words Too<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">I plead for adventure, for the active and unknown.
I ask to see beauty and find a deeper appreciation of what this world has to
offer. But more often than not the most joyful moments I can remember involve
no need of grand expeditions into unknown places, no picture perfect moments of
unprecedented majesty, they are not once in a lifetime experiences with no
repeat button, but rather the exchange of words on any given day. Funny thing
is, I never know what it is I want to say until long after I start saying it, I
am in general a pretty quiet person, and I realized sometime in the last year
that small talk is not something I’m proficient at. I can’t convey my opinion
on a subject in a two to five minuet conversation, and knowing what question to
ask in order to keep a discussion alive is a rare thing for me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">And then there are those moments, when a
conversation is fully alive and two people are willing to discuss life in all
its beauty or lack there of. These moments when I would consider myself truly
blessed to do nothing more than spend the day talking. More than likely you
know the type of conversation I’m referring to. Those full days spent in a café
with a friend, the two and three am but wouldn’t dream of going to sleep
nights, the people must think were crazy to be sitting in my car hours, or
perhaps this walk was not long enough thoughts. For me these are the
experiences that truly build a friendship, the ones that make life worthwhile, the
moments when I learn to let my guard down and process through what’s really
happening in my life, or what seems to be missing from it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">And then I realize it’s these conversations that I
should be experiencing with God on a daily basis. The message this morning at
church was about prayer, about God knowing what it is we need but leaving it in
our hands to ask for it. We may wonder why it is He </span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: Verdana; mso-ansi-language: EN;">does</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> this, why He wants so desperately for us to be a
part of getting Him involved, and I think maybe, He likes the conversation too.
I’ve heard it said before, the one difference between Christianity and all
other religions is the relationship we are given the opportunity to experience
with a living God. It’s this relationship that was broken in the garden and restored
through the cross, it’s this relationship we experience when we pray, it’s this
relationship that allows God to move in our lives, and it is this relationship
that we must take the time to build, the one that God longs for us to be a part
of, the one that needs my words too</span>.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-57150323528264460212012-04-22T20:36:00.002-04:002012-10-13T12:09:32.098-04:00Acknowledgement<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m thinking about a lot of different stuff<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>today; still obsessing over my book but also
thinking about church this morning, about worship and what I’ve been doing or
not doing over the past weeks. Last week as I’ve admitted already I was a bit
consumed with the Hunger Games, I don’t deny it or really even regret it but I also
feel slightly empty without it to hold me anymore and that’s where I find my
problem, my misguided worship as it were. Its not that the books are evil or me
taking the time to read them was a bad thing it’s more like my act of ignoring
God, making other things a bigger priority which was not cool. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One of my devotions last week was about sharing your life
with God, in a sense making Him a part of the things you love, like discussing those
things with Him, making Him a part of everything you do because He is already
there sharing those moments with you even if you never acknowledge Him, so why
not acknowledge Him? And that’s where I’ve found myself right now, that point
of acknowledgement. I want desperately to be a girl so caught up in God that
His presence is evident to me and those around me without the need to
constantly be striving for it. I want the way I live and breathe and move to be
directed by His presence and free from pride and religion, I want to be able to
do the things I love, like get lost in a book without separating those things
from my relationship with God because that relationship, His presence is
connected to every breathe that I breath and every move that I make, He makes
me who I am.</span><br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don’t fully understand how to start this process, become
that girl. I imagine it will be something like letting go of what I think is
mine. I’ve heard it said before God is a gentleman and will never force Himself
on you, I believe this to be true and the reason I need to start changing stuff
up, start giving God the go ahead to be involved in every aspect of my life, because
even though it is already His and I could never keep Him out of anything if I tried,
He will also never force Himself into anything I might claim as my own, and that’s
just it, I claim many, many things as mine. Maybe it’s this culture, or the way
I was raised, perhaps it’s my personality, or simply human nature as a result
of sin, I can really say and I don’t really need to know, after all the reason
is not a solution but just another thing to let go of. So today my perspective
would be something like, if I ever want anything in my life to be of true value
I will need to let God claim it as His own first, because sharing with God is
far more rewarding than obsessing by yourself.</span></div>
Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-50390646634742974902012-04-21T17:20:00.000-04:002012-04-22T13:09:05.942-04:00The Pages of my Books<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So for the past week I’ve been sucked into the Hunger Games trend
and I spent pretty much every unscheduled free moment I had in the pages of
these books. I finished Mockingjay just last night and now find myself in a
small state of unrest, being happy to have found the end of the story and see
it resolved but also quite sad that there is no more story left to read. It seems
silly when I really think about it, that I could be so attached to these characters
and this story I’m now obsessing over it so much that I wish it would come up
in every conversation I take part in, and if I thought anyone reading this blog
might want to share my obsession for a moment I would actually consider writing
my own sort of book report on the matter, but alas that is not my plan (at
least not today). That is however my perspective at the moment, which is what I
try to focus this blog on, really processing my life, my thoughts and
acknowledging how it is I see the world.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
So what is it I see through the pages of my books? I could
talk about the characters, I could talk about the quality of the authors
writing, or perhaps make reference to my current obsession and this trend as a
whole but instead I’ll widen the subject and simply say I love to read. There was
a reason I made reading part of my list for this year, it always makes me
think, it can make me question the way I live my life, and yes it definitely
entertains me. I truly believe that a book if read at a certain moment in someone’s
life, with just the right amount of openness to the story can change said
reader forever. For some stories these changes can be quite large, for others
rather small and for some when things don’t line up just so, whether it be the
stories themselves or other circumstances’ at the time may have no effect in
the least.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">
It is this theory of mine perhaps that draws me to reading,
and then obsessing over what lies within the pages I have consumed. It is
becoming a part of this theory that leads me to digging deeper into the hearts
of these characters I somehow love, to find whatever it is I can learn from
them almost as if they were real people. Okay so I don’t know if this current
story will in fact change me in some grand way. I imagine, maybe if I wanted it
to it could or possibly it already has and I just can’t see it yet. Whatever
the case may be, big changes or small ones, one thing has indeed already came
to my mind, if I take nothing else from the story, the process of reading it has
in fact reminded me of how much I love to read and then almost more importantly
why I desire that passion to be an unmistakable part of who I am.</span> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-65004069567832846432012-04-07T14:29:00.001-04:002012-04-29T21:07:35.777-04:0024 Goals for my 24th Year<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tomorrow is a new
year, not by any normal calendar of course but for me personally because tomorrow
marks for me the anniversary of the day I entered this world. Yes you guessed it
tomorrow is my birthday. This weekend has already been awesome like my birthday
has started early and birthdays always fall into that category of moments in
the year we tend to evaluate our lives, well for me they do anyway, so that’s what
I’ve begun to do. At the beginning of the year I made for myself a list of
goals that I wanted to do, you know the whole new year’s resolutions thing, but
I never posted it, so now four months later I’ve tried some of them, completely
missed the mark on others and let most all of them fall right back down to the
bottom of my priorities in life. But seeing now that the number I’m know as is
soon changing from a 23 to a 24 I believe it’s a good time to revaluate that pervious
list and take it a bit farther by adding quite a few more items to it, making
it my 24 for 24 and this time its is most certainly being posted. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now for the list ready?</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Journal
everyday</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Read
the bible frequently</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do
things independently </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Exercise regularly</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Keep
a food journal</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wear
bright colors</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Read
at least one book a month</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Make time for myself</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Pray without ceasing </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Drink more water</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Keep my space clean</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Set aside time for worship</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Take photographs</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cook more meals</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Eat out no more than twice a month</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Buy less stuff/ Get rid of things I no
longer use</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Set aside money for savings out of each
check </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Find something to be thankful for everyday</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write letters to friends and family</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Acknowledge joyful moments</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Embrace the adventure of life</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Find ways to respect people </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Keep the blog updated </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Always make God my first priority<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know it’s a lot
of stuff and I’m sure I’m not going to do it all perfect but that’s not the
point, the point is to be thinking about all these things and taking steps to
do them, for now the list is just that a list of vague goals for my life so
over the next moth or so my hope is to break it down for you and for me as part
of this blog you gotta love accountably and that’s my view for today and
hopeful the next year or something like that enjoy.</span> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-25219369295055757332012-02-01T16:21:00.000-05:002012-02-01T16:21:47.262-05:00Something Wonderful<div style="text-align: center;"> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">January is now gone, and it has been quiet some time since I shared my thoughts with the world, it seems as though I don’t know quite what to say these days. I’ve been so busy and so tired I’ve lost track of being creative, don’t get me wrong I’m not writing now to complain about my lack of creativity or the busyness that has become my life, in a way it’s just the opposite, you see I like all the things that I do, when there a places to go and people to see, adventure around every corner it makes the beauty of the moment that much more evident and the joy to experience that much more abundant and most days that’s enough for me. Most days beauty and joy is all I really need and these past few weeks, or months, or however long these days have been really do find me in a place I love. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS";"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And it’s that place and this season that make me want so much more. Over and over again I write about my dreams, my goals, what I want to do, and how I want to live. Every word is very real, very true and very me, but I also think so much more than I act. I get so caught up in the one day when, that I lose track of the here and now and I guess that’s why I’m writing today because for once my view for the moment is just that, for the moment, for the first time in a long time I’m enjoying this moment, and I can tell with every move I make I’m exactly where it is I’m suppose to be, and I just want to keep this momentum, keep moving forward, push for more and be more and be ready for whatever it is that is coming next while simultaneously living for what’s already right here. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because I know that something wonderful is coming but I also see something wonderful all around me.</span> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-38216242167898813062011-11-13T20:25:00.001-05:002011-11-14T16:10:54.456-05:00Even as I Write<div style="text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think about my future frequently; about what my life may be, could be or what I wish it was now that its not. I see other people so sure of where there’re at and where there’re going that I feel left out sometimes. Like what’s the deal God why do they get to see Your plan for their lives and I don’t get to see Your plan for mine. I’ve wondered constantly what it is I’m suppose to do with my life what should I focus on or pursue, should I be searching out new opportunities or waiting for them to find me, am I on the right page or is there more for me to do that I’m missing somehow? <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And even as I write these words I hear the answer I’ve been hearing all along, just be faithful and wait. I don’t know the big picture; God’s plan for what my life holds, I don’t have a ten, five or even one year plan at the moment all I know is God’s plan is perfect; its not always fun, or pretty, its not usually easy and can be downright hard, sometimes its messy, confusing or even dark, but that’s all the more reason to trust in God. And thats all He is asking me to do, to look at today and be faithful stop searching for big opportunities and take hold of the small ones right here and right now and watch them grow. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-8350314529002606132011-09-07T21:53:00.000-04:002011-09-07T21:53:08.991-04:00I’ve Been Quiet<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ve been quiet. Almost nonexistent as far as this blog is concerned; I haven’t posted anything in the past month because I haven’t said anything worth saying. I’ve been drawing back from people again, or rather not making a serious effort to spend time with anyone I’m not already close to. Its not that I’m hiding or want to be alone its just well, I’m really ridiculously not good at small talk, questions like what have you been up to, or how’s work going are not enjoyable, I would even go so far as to say I may hate them. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have no problem sharing my life, but the typical how are you question will almost all get you the typical “good” as a response. You see my life on the surface is dull and boring; I’m not even going to try to deny that. I don’t do much and work is well, work; repetitive, uninteresting and quite annoying at times, it’s a job I get paid to be there so I’m there. When I get asked the what have you been up to type questions I don’t have an answer, I wish that I did but I don’t and I hate that. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because honestly for the past month I’ve wasted probably 80% of my free time on television or naps anther 5% felling bad that all I did was watch tv or nap and the rest is 50, 50 some times good or even great others, lets just say I maybe would have rather been at home watching tv or taking a nap. And here is where I say don’t get me wrong, I love spending quality time with people, living in adventure mode; filling my days with joy after joy or talking the night away about what makes life, life. These are the times I never want to end, but also the ones that go by the quickest and that’s a bit of a dilemma I don’t know how to solve, so I guess I need to just let I go and live. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> I’m about as good at that as I am with the whole small talk thing which leads right back to point one and me being all quiet. Because the truth behind the truth of my wonderful small talk skills is I’ve met several people I truly desire to know better, friends of friends or common acquaintances, people I know but have yet to get past the small talk phase with. And that’s the second dilemma of tonight’s little story, I don’t know how to turn this miserable, stupid, obnoxious small talk into real friendship and truly loving people when that’s all that I want it to be . But I guess that’s why it’s called a dilemma and my stopping point for today. Goodnight </span></div>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-77968075999991194452011-07-25T20:58:00.001-04:002011-07-30T14:15:50.807-04:00Gentle Correction<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I feel really awful right now; not physically sick but spiritually and emotionally gross. For some time now I feel as if I’ve been neglecting God. It’s weird because on the surface it looks like just the opposite, I’ve been in constant prayer asking for wisdom and strength; seeking direction and attempting to push through the days until the next season arrives, but somehow in the midst of things I’ve lost a closeness with my Father God and am feeling quite lonely.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It happened rather subtlety so I don’t really know where to start, first thing that comes to mind is that up until about an hour ago I don’t remember when the last time was I read my bible, but I would dare to say it’s more my daily behavior that truly pushed Him away. At some point in the past few months I ran into a wall of offences, there are many moments that come to mind and I do believe this could be the root of my problem. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Everything starts at some point; one thing at a time and my starting point belongs to one particular offense centering around one particular person. I’ve known for some time that dealings with this one person require me to be more patient; I don’t agree with most of the things they say, and I feel as though they see me to be less than who I am. They have been for some time now unknowingly and unintentionally rejecting and disrespecting me, so I decided to distance myself from them, but things have changed and that is not an option anymore. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know that this problem is mostly in my head, and I know that this change which has pushed us together is all part of God’s plan, but up until now I had been resisting it. My reactions were poor and negative, I was only thinking of myself and how much I didn’t want to answer to this person, I forgot about the plan and rather than look at this as an opportunity for me to grow in patience and boldness I saw only the ways that it effected me and how much I would have to grow up and I ran from it right into offence.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">With that first step into offence I opened a door that allowed negativity to flood my life. Once I let that one thing in the rest just started to pile up right along with it. This person annoys me, this one is being disrespectful, why do they have to act so stupid? I don’t want to deal with other peoples problems anymore. Leave me alone, I can’t listen to them talk for one more second, and why should I even attempt to help; they don’t care what I think and they never listen to me anyway. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can see all the ways I behaved so badly. I play back moments in my mind where I talked bad about this person, or that situation, I can hear myself in constant complaint about being disrespected, looked down upon and ignored while all the while I’m analyzing the flaws of those around me and thinking about how much better I am than they are.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So what now? The answer is the same as always, and I’m running into the arms of my Father. I’ll say these words, I repent and please forgive me, but the next steps are the hardest. After months of gossip, complaint and constant negativity I need to face tomorrow as a new person; walk into this new day with a patient and humble heart. I know it won’t be easy, but I know where my strength comes from, and even though I don’t feel ready as all the world around me remains the same, staying where I was is no longer an option. God’s grace is sufficient and His guidance is true, so that is what I’m asking for, grace and guidance to be the person I was made to be. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-13386825951930187862011-07-17T20:11:00.000-04:002011-07-17T20:11:31.416-04:00Just My Life<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Life has been rather blah lately, I haven’t been getting out much and work has been, well draining. I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships and how I seem to know a lot of people but, am close to very few; its not that I don’t want to open up its just I never seem to spend enough time with anyone to establish those deeper connections. You see when it comes to that whole love languages thing mine is quality time all the way, spending time with people is what makes me feel loved and feeling loved is what fills me up so that I can go and do and be. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When things are good they are really good, when I spend time with people and do stuff I’m more open to going and doing more, I make plans and an effort to go and do this or that, I end up being super busy for weeks or months at a time and even though I usually feel really tired, somewhere in the process of busyness I also get those moments of quality time that I need and they leave me really happy and filled up. But when its not like that it’s a double negative, when I start to feel lonely, all I want to do is be alone, I end up pulling away from people and I don’t want to do anything because I feel unloved, like I’m not worth being with, but when I feel alone and unloved it's because I’m not doing anything or loving anyone else. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So back to right now and I’m not getting out there, but don’t worry it’s not depression mode. I haven’t been making the effort to spend time with people, but I haven’t been pulling away either, I’m somewhere in the middle right now and I’ve been trying to pray a lot. For the most part God has been keeping me filled up, at least enough to keep me going. That is going but not doing or being. I’ve been making it through the days, but not really feeling happy with my own actions looking back at them. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This whole summer has been kind of off, there is so much stuff going on in my life that I don’t know how to process most of it. My mom and I are moving and finding a place has been quite a task; life at home just doesn’t feel like home. Lots of things are changing with the ministry I’m most involved in at church; not bad per say but it is more change and to be completely honest I‘m not really good with that. Work has been, well work, the hardest part of my job is working with the people I work with; some are great some are not and some just change from day to day and last week group dynamics were more like a warzone than a team sport, not fun. Add in the first summer in 7 years that I did not go to Cornerstone, the lack of mission trip this year and falling into the monotonous day to day routine known as life and this little girl is a little out of whack.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m not trying to complain, and I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. This is just my life, I’m tired and I don’t want to make the effort to live and be. All this stuff is small on its own, but much bigger when you put it all together, to much for me to deal with on my own, yet just enough for God to help me grow. And that’s just what He’s been doing, I may feel weak and drained from stress and change but I also feel stronger and smarter and almost ready for what God has next, because when it comes right down to it I know that this is just another season and the next one, well God must be preparing me for something, right? And that is just what I needed to see. The end </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div></div>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-18327057803942979322011-06-30T21:14:00.002-04:002011-07-03T14:06:23.422-04:00Run Away or Stay<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want to run away, but I also want to stay. I know that I want to do more with my life than the typical grow up, get a job, get married, have a family sort of plan; unfortunately I am very timid and rooted. I see my friends going across the Globe to minister to, and pour out God’s love on people and I think to myself if only I were different, if only I started when I was younger, if only I didn’t need to stay here. I tell myself that’s not God’s plan for me, I’m not gifted in evangelism, I’m not confident enough, I’m not this, I’m not that, I’m just not… I look at my life and I see responsibilities that fall to me; things I can’t run from or leave to someone else, things I can’t abandon and wouldn’t want to. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I see this ordinary life falling into place and wonder, is this what I’m suppose to do, is this who I’m suppose to be, is this how my life turns out? But with these questions there is hope and I know there’s more, because ordinary is what you make it. What seems common on the surface, monotonous, typical and altogether boring can be so much more. As far a traveling the world goes, I’ve done it before and will do it again, as far a pouring out God’s love, my heart breaks for the broken people I see all around me, and as far as gifts and calling, I’m still searching, but I know Who to look to. </span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’d like to run away, find another home in some far off land being the hands and feet of Jesus to the world, in a place hungry and thirsty for His love, it’s a life of adventure, consumed with God’s presence and beyond what I could imagine. Or I take the harder path, I listen to the still small voice in my heart, that says not yet and be faithful. I’ll follow the road that keeps me here for a little while longer; the one of everyday and reality, the one consumed with family and work and the subtlety of God’s presence in an ordinary day, learn to be Jesus hands and feet in a culture turned off to the church, and oblivious to the fact they are starving and in need of a Savior. You see I want to run away, but I also want to stay. </span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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</div>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-63140638639586006932011-06-24T18:50:00.001-04:002011-07-01T19:47:13.816-04:00This Little Light of Mine<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What can I say about me and my life without making it seem like I’m completely lost, totally confused or my world is coming to an end? I’d like to believe I’m a pretty passionate person, that I care deeply about things and will stand up for what I believe in. but how do I show this passion, what makes me of all people different from everyone else in the world? What are theses things that I claim to believe and care so deeply for, what if anything would I be willing to fight for if I were challenged, do you know me, do you know what they are? If my view were questioned, what do I believe? </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On a typical day my light does not always do justice to what it should, and most of the time I come across more like your average little church girl than anything else. But what is not so easily seen is that behind my good girl image are strong convictions that are more than just stereotypical religion. What drives me is not religion and the rules that follow, but rather the relationship available to me with my Creator through Christ. It’s this promise of relationship and the time I spend with Him that makes me, me.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And that brings me back to question number one of this post and why I always feel like a bit of a drama queen when I write. To be completely honest, my life is not all that interesting and pretty drama free most of the time. But you see this is my outlet, this blog as a whole, it’s my story, my view. My walk falls short of what I desire to be, and I suppose that’s why I write; to shine my light the best way I know how. You see, I know all the steps, all the motions to go through, but relationship is more than that, and writing is how I seek Him. I hope and pray that one day in the not so distant future, that my everyday moments will be as caught up in God as my writing is, but until that day comes all I can do is try my best and just continue walking and well, writing, I may not have it all together but hey that’s why I do what I do. I’m a writer so I’m writing cause that’s what writers do. </span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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</div>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-4541999269033237822011-06-14T19:43:00.001-04:002011-06-14T19:49:45.282-04:00This Truth<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1 Corinthians 13:6 </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. </span><br />
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</span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’ve been trying to write about this verse for a few weeks now, but every time I start I get a few sentences in and then it starts to feel forced or shallow, and when writing about truth shallow is just well, false. So attempt number… don’t even ask and the question remains, what is truth? </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I read something today, an analysis of a certain psalm, number 29 to be exact and the point that this writer made, the truth that any number of Christians overlook on a daily basis, the truth that’s hard to swallow but easy to forget, and it says GOD IS HOLY, but what is this truth and what does it really mean? You see, we sing these words in songs, and use them in our prayers, but how often do we fully taste their bittersweet truth.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hope you’re still reading this, and I’m not really trying to go all gloom and doom on you, but truth isn’t always pretty, in fact, most of the time its messy, it’s the stuff that brings you down a notch when you feel you’ re on the top of the world and messes with your head when you think you’ve got things figured out, truth is the last thing you want to hear when you think you’re right and the hardest thing to take when you find you were wrong. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But love, why does love rejoice in the truth then? And that brings me back to this one, this truth of the God I call mine, and that’s the flaw, He belongs to no man, for He is Holy. The Old Testament, the first 39 books of the bible, the ones we often skip over or tell new Christians not to start with, the Old Testament is filled with this truth. Story after story of the Glory of God, story after story of His power, His strength, His judgment, wrath and His most wonderful Holiness; Moses shone with the glory of His presence, Isaiah feared death at the sight of His throne, Saul lost his kingdom for disregard of His Word, and over and over people died for entering into His presence without respect of His Holiness.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So where dose that leave us and, what about the New Testament; the stories we love to read, stuff of miracles, healings, grace, peace, hope, love, Jesus? What about all that, that’s truth too, right? And its newer, that must be the God I serve, right? The pretty One who forgives and blesses, I serve Jesus; the one who heals and delivers, Old Testament… wrath, judgment, that was before Jesus, it must be different now, Right? </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But God is still Holy. And that is why we need Jesus to save us, the question; that big one, why did Jesus have to die? Because God is Holy.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">“but we forget, with little difficulty, that it was </span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">God’s </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">justice,</span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">the </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">necessity of holiness, </span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">that brought </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">death </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">to give life. </span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">His holiness </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">that </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">required the shedding of blood, </span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">the losing </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">of </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">life, to be the only way to make </span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">things right. It </span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">was the turning </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">of </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">His back that </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">darkened </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">the </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">sky as </span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">our </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Christ breathed finality.</span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">-David Crowder </span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">God is Holy, He can not look on sin, His holiness dose not allow it, and that is why Jesus had to die, His blood; the price for our sin and the soap that washes sin off, so that our Holy Father can look at us, this is the truth, the stuff that love rejoices in, its messy and beautiful, sad and joyous, it’s the definition of bittersweet, God is so Good that death is the price to draw near to Him, love rejoices in the truth. </span></div><br />
</div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-50895831934238849712011-05-25T19:10:00.000-04:002011-05-25T19:10:08.946-04:00Love Hopes All Things<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1 Corinthians 13:7(Talking about love)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.</span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Love hopes all things, and that’s where I start tonight. Well sort of, that’s what I want you to keep in mind tonight. But where I start is a little about me in the form of a classic question. You see I want to talk about hope, and that made me think of the whole glass half empty VS. glass half full scenario, but I honestly don’t know how I answer that question and its more than just a glass with water in it. The truth is I overanalyze probably 97.8% of my world, okay, yes I just pulled that number out on nowhere because I liked the way it sounded but I think you get the point. I’m analytical to a fault, so I can’t say “oh yeah, that glass is half full” and call myself an optimist or “no way its half empty” and acknowledge my pessimistic tendencies, because the truth is my analytical nature makes me much more of a realist, and can I have half a glass of water please. So as far as optimistic vs pessimistic goes I’m a pessimistic optimist or perhaps an optimistic pessimist if you prefer. </span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But back to love and hope, and you see this story starts in a place that may seem far from both those words. You may or may not remember I wrote on here a few months ago about the battles I’ve fought with depression; my lazy do nothing modes where my bed is my best friend and I just don’t know how to be happy or interested in the everyday happenings of this story we call life. Then last week as I was discussing past seasons in my life where depression reigned hard I was asked a question that shined a new light on this battle “have you ever thought it would be easier not to live?” and my answer has always been, no, and that’s the light. </span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because as it all comes back to the way I see the world I’ve been abundantly blessed, to where even when I fall crashing down into one of those modes there still lies in my spirit a constant, persistent yet often quiet, hope. Some days as I’ve said before that hope may rest simply in the next time I get to rest but somehow it always remains, and more often than not its actually quite a bit stronger than you would expect from someone with a melancholy personality like me, because even when I can’t see it I know there is beauty in the world and even when I don’t get what I want I know God is faithful, so today may have been the worst day ever, but my eyes are on God and He knows the plans He has for me, plans filled with hope.</span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Philippians 4:8 </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">whatever things are of good report, </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">if there is any virtue and if there is anything </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">praiseworthy</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">--meditate on these things. </span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I guess in the end being in a relationship with God makes me more of an optimistic realist. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Love hopes all things </span></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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</div>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-36013698275026696132011-05-18T17:19:00.002-04:002011-05-18T17:19:49.151-04:00Just Trust Me<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are so many I want too’s in my life, but it seems as if I don’t really want them enough until moments like this; moments when work was on the verge of awful because you lost your patience and the only thing you seem to have going on in your life is a season of waiting, and a list. I want to work out, I want to play the guitar, I want to cook and bake and take care of a home, weird yes I actually want to clean but because its mine to take care of. I want to run, I want to sing, I want to write. I want to pray and worship with my whole heart, I want to be bold enough to speak my heart and loving enough to do it gracefully, I want to be joyful, live life with purpose and passion, and appreciate what God has done and is doing in every moment that crosses my path. I want to fall madly and passionately in love with the Creator of the world, His Son Jesus (my Savior) and the Holy Spirit; My God. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You see when it comes right down to it, I frequently question what it is I want to do with my life, I convince myself that my passions are weak and that I’m lost, that I don’t know what it is that I want. But the truth is, that that list up there is only the beginning of what God sees for me and if I’m lost its because I’m not paying attention or I’m being impatient and can’t see what right in front of my face. Because sometimes when it seems like God isn’t telling you what to do its because what He’s really saying is, “wait here, open your eyes and be faithful with what you see right in front of you, the rest of this stuff that you want is tomorrow, and its not time for that yet so don’t worry, just trust Me.” </span></div><br />
</div>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-26502527499303738492011-05-05T21:11:00.000-04:002011-05-05T21:11:09.690-04:00Suffers Long or Longsuffering<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today I reached a breaking point; of stress or emotional exhaustion or I don’t even know what except that I broke, it was one of those I can’t do this anymore I think I’ll just sit on my bed a cry moments, so as I prayed/cried I was thinking about love and how all I really want to do I walk in God’s love, be filled to overflowing and constantly giving it out to the people around me, but how, for at least the past few weeks I’ve been continually failing that task. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was in that moment I felt the need to read 1 Corinthians 13, after doing so I decided that I wanted to write about almost everything in the chapter but its too much for one blog and one night so, I’m gonna take it one day at a time. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So for today, what stuck out to me was this; one line from verse 4 “Love suffers long and is kind;” I decided to look this up in my concordance because I was thinking that love suffers long was longsuffering and I wanted to know what it said about longsuffering, but what I found was even cooler. You see what I found out was that suffers long and longsuffering are actually two different Greek words; they have the same root and mean pretty much the same thing, in fact the only real difference I could see between the two was the way they were being used, but that is the really cool part, the first word <span style="color: red;">makrothymeō</span> suffers long is used in the being form like to be patient, the second word <span style="color: red;">makrothymia</span> longsuffering is used in the having form simply something you can posses like patience. And I love that this verse uses the being form. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After discovering all this really neat info I decided to read the verse again and found one more really awesome insight if you will. Or at least it was a wow discovery to me; because I realized that most of the time while reading this verse I was saying it wrong. Usually when I read it I would say “love is patient, love is kind” but that’s not how it goes at all what it says is love is patient and kind or as my version says love suffers long and is kind, you get it? If not, well that’s okay, what I saw today is that kind is a description of the way that love suffers. Just think about that. Goodnight. </span></div>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8044860574302816988.post-1959278292106074512011-04-24T18:56:00.004-04:002011-04-24T19:06:38.442-04:00All I Need to do is Follow<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I’m currently working on a message for youth group Tuesday night about faith and faithfulness; the idea of blind faith and that sometimes all you need is faith in God to guide your steps and everything will be okay. The tricky part is that so far the only point I know I want to convey is that it’s okay to not know where you are going so long as you follow God. And so far I don’t know where I’m going with this message yet except that I’m asking God to guide me. I know if I continue to seek God that He will give me His words and everything will come together in a truly beautiful way, (yeah that’s the faith I want to share) </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But unfortunately as my sister so poignantly put it a few weeks ago I am naturally a Martha McRae, and this week that seems to have reigned true, I was moody and argumentative, with a general outlook of gloom probably 82% of the time, I slept too much and prayed too little and tried to hard to fix myself by myself because I could see the whole time how terribly wrong I was going; needless to say that did not work so well and by the time I was talking/praying with Amy Thursday night I could feel that I was drained. And then I continued to try and work this message out, and for the past few days I’ve been thinking I really need to work on my message and Tuesday only blank # of days away now and I don’t know what I’m doing yet, and then every time I took the time to work on it I had nothing and I didn’t know where to start. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> </div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I do know better than that, because even though I was and am still drained, I know that God will fill me up as I spend time with Him, and I know He will give me His words for His children. This may be a fight, but this, right here right now is me choosing to be more like Mary, this is me seeking that spot at Jesus feet, and asking God to fill me up, prepare me, guide me and remind me that sometimes it’s okay to not know where I am going because He has this whole thing worked out and all I need to do is follow.</span></div><br />
</div>Starrhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14524410272679167134noreply@blogger.com0