All I Need to do is Follow

I’m currently working on a message for youth group Tuesday night about faith and faithfulness; the idea of blind faith and that sometimes all you need is faith in God to guide your steps and everything will be okay. The tricky part is that so far the only point I know I want to convey is that it’s okay to not know where you are going so long as you follow God. And so far I don’t know where I’m going with this message yet except that I’m asking God to guide me. I know if I continue to seek God that He will give me His words and everything will come together in a truly beautiful way, (yeah that’s the faith I want to share)

 

But unfortunately as my sister so poignantly put it a few weeks ago I am naturally a Martha McRae, and this week that seems to have reigned true, I was moody and argumentative, with a general outlook of gloom probably 82% of the time, I slept too much and prayed too little and tried to hard to fix myself by myself because I could see the whole time how terribly wrong I was going; needless to say that did not work so well and by the time I was talking/praying with Amy Thursday night I could feel that I was drained. And then I continued to try and work this message out, and for the past few days I’ve been thinking I really need to work on my message and Tuesday only blank # of days away now and I don’t know what I’m doing yet, and then every time I took the time to work on it I had nothing and I didn’t know where to start.

 

But I do know better than that, because even though I was and am still drained, I know that God will fill me up as I spend time with Him, and I know He will give me His words for His children. This may be a fight, but this, right here right now is me choosing to be more like Mary, this is me seeking that spot at Jesus feet, and asking God to fill me up, prepare me, guide me and remind me that sometimes it’s okay to not know where I am going because He has this whole thing worked out and all I need to do is follow.

Still Thinking About the Boy

I turned 23 yesterday; birthdays are great and a lot of people made me feel really special, but truth be told I don’t feel much different age wise, I mean it’s just one more day and it’s not like all of the sudden I’m a different person because I’m now older, but at the same time being that one number older does make me think about where my life is and where I thought I would have been by this age when I was younger. I mean if you had asked me when I was in high school where I thought I would be when I turned 23 the story I would have laid out for you would not have looked like my life does today, most obvious difference? I thought I would be married by now or at least in a serious relationship leading to marriage. But that’s just not the way things turned out. Don’t get me wrong I’m okay with that most of the time, but what can I say I’m still thinking about the boy, honestly more this week (month) than I have in a long time, because every now and then I wish I were just your average girl who was okay with just dating a guy, but that’s just not how my story goes.

 

You see I made a decision a long time ago that I wouldn’t date, at first it was really just a thought, a feeling that my first boyfriend would probably be the guy I marry, but then over time it became more of a real decision, a decision that I don’t need to date to find my husband, that really I don’t need to “find” him at all. I trust God, His timing is perfect, His plans are perfect, so, I pray, I pray for this guy, the one that God knows and I don’t, my other half, if you want to call him that, not that I find him, but that God prepare us for each other and lead us together in His perfect way. And the thing is I’ve reached the point in this decision where I couldn’t go looking for him if I wanted to, I know I can’t rush it, I’m not desperate and I don’t fear growing old alone. I have done my best on giving this one to God, all that’s left for me to do is wait, and pray and every now and then just run back to God when I start to feel lonely or crushy or just flat out tired of the whole being single thing and when I do He gives me grace to keep waiting. And I know this may sound like a crazy point of view but what can I say that’s just the way I see the world when it comes to me, and dating.