Something About Grace



I’ve been feeling really distant from people lately, even my closest friends, I feel like there is a wall being built between me and the rest of the world. I’m pretty sure it’s my fault, that I’m the one closing myself off from everyone, but I don’t know what it is that is causing me to build this wall. I want to love people, to share my thoughts with them, thoughts about life and everything I believe in , thoughts about God and how I long to be with Him, thoughts about love and what that really means, even thoughts that seem completely meaningless but somehow show how I see the world. The trouble is, lately I feel empty, lost and confused like part of my mind just feels blank, like what once lived there has now moved out and hasn’t been replaced yet. I want to open up and share my life with people but I don’t know how to describe my life anymore, I’m not even sure what it is that is my life anymore. I’ve been trying to convince myself that that’s okay that this is my process of letting go of my dreams so that I can walk out God’s plan, but I feel like I’m missing something important, like I skipped a step somewhere and now God is saying “your really close to where I want you but you need to back up and look at where you are.” When I do this He is showing me something about humility and grace. He asked me to give my life to Him; all my hopes and dreams, everything I ever wanted to do be or have, I tried my best to do this and now I’m left feeling empty. But tonight He is telling me that this emptiness in not from Him but from myself, that in my effort to let go, my pride held back the desire to plan for myself and didn’t fully accept His grace to fill the void… Wow that’s just what I needed to hear, thank you Father.