This Whole Relationship Thing

I don’t like me very much right now. I’m selfish and insecure, I’m lazy and a regular procrastinator, I complain to frequently and can be quite mean, I am far to easily offended and walk in pride more than love, I am extremely co-dependant and care far to much about what other people are going to think of me, and when it comes right down to it, I’m human. If I tried I’m sure this list could be longer; there where already more to add in my head the moment I stopped writing, but it’s time to move on. The things on this list are what most Christians, myself included would say are what makes you human or it might be called flesh and the reason we need to be saved. And that’s all fine and dandy, the truth really, but aren’t these the things that I don’t need to walk in anymore because I’m saved? As followers of Christ we are called to be in relationship with God, and walk in love, plain and simple Jesus said it himself*. So why is it, that a girl who has grown up her whole life believing in God is just now, at the age of 22 realizing how long her list is that keeps her separated from Him? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I want to be perfect, or that God would expect anyone to be perfect in order to be in a relationship with Him. What I am saying is that today as I lay in my bed feeling insecure and lonely, asking God how it is that I’m suppose to seek Him more and find this relationship that I so desire to be a part of , that the whisper I heard was obedience. And it was then, when I started thinking about obedience that I realized what a complete human I can be sometimes and I started making that list. So what is it that I need to do with this list? I suppose the answer would be as always, give it to God, because that is obedience and surrender but I can’t do it without Him, because the crazy upside down part of this whole relationship thing is that, I can’t be obedient to Him without first knowing Him and I can’t know Him without being obedient to His word and surrendering to the relationship. But when I do surrender and lay down myself before Him, He is there ready to lift me up, and that is the really wonderful part about this whole relationship thing.

*Matthew 22: 37-40

Jesus said to him,” you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all you mind,’ “This is the great commandment. “And the second is like it: you shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ “On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”