I’ve been quiet. Almost nonexistent as far as this blog is concerned; I haven’t posted anything in the past month because I haven’t said anything worth saying. I’ve been drawing back from people again, or rather not making a serious effort to spend time with anyone I’m not already close to. Its not that I’m hiding or want to be alone its just well, I’m really ridiculously not good at small talk, questions like what have you been up to, or how’s work going are not enjoyable, I would even go so far as to say I may hate them.
I have no problem sharing my life, but the typical how are you question will almost all get you the typical “good” as a response. You see my life on the surface is dull and boring; I’m not even going to try to deny that. I don’t do much and work is well, work; repetitive, uninteresting and quite annoying at times, it’s a job I get paid to be there so I’m there. When I get asked the what have you been up to type questions I don’t have an answer, I wish that I did but I don’t and I hate that.
Because honestly for the past month I’ve wasted probably 80% of my free time on television or naps anther 5% felling bad that all I did was watch tv or nap and the rest is 50, 50 some times good or even great others, lets just say I maybe would have rather been at home watching tv or taking a nap. And here is where I say don’t get me wrong, I love spending quality time with people, living in adventure mode; filling my days with joy after joy or talking the night away about what makes life, life. These are the times I never want to end, but also the ones that go by the quickest and that’s a bit of a dilemma I don’t know how to solve, so I guess I need to just let I go and live.
I’m about as good at that as I am with the whole small talk thing which leads right back to point one and me being all quiet. Because the truth behind the truth of my wonderful small talk skills is I’ve met several people I truly desire to know better, friends of friends or common acquaintances, people I know but have yet to get past the small talk phase with. And that’s the second dilemma of tonight’s little story, I don’t know how to turn this miserable, stupid, obnoxious small talk into real friendship and truly loving people when that’s all that I want it to be . But I guess that’s why it’s called a dilemma and my stopping point for today. Goodnight
