So I have a lot of theories

So I have a lot of theories; I discovered that this is a large part of who I am on the way to Cornerstone this year; Michal and I decided it’s a family trait we get from our mom. This is the way I see the world really, some of them are completely set in my heart, part of who I am and the way I live my life others come out in a more joking manner like; the sun must set earlier in the south because the sun should not be setting at 9:30 in Illinois when it sets at 10 where we live in Michigan. And since this blog is my perspective on world and theories are so much the way I see the world, I thought I would share one of my core theories with you tonight so here goes. The right song heard at the right moment can change a life; I spend hours a day with headphones on, I listen to my i-pod while I work, so frequently I take the music I listen to for granted, it turns into background noise and loses a part of what makes it special, but when I stop and listen, truly listen, there is power, for different people it’s different things but when you listen to the words or to this instrument or that instrument or this or that progression, the way it all comes together, there is beauty, there is power, and there are those moments that change people. It’s been two weeks since I got back from Cornerstone, while we were there going to show after show I was amazed by how frequently we heard references to letting this festival change you. I am a firm believer in Christian music, it’s where I find my joy, my moments. We were at a Christian music festival so of course God was playing into the people being changed, but I find a tremendous amount of beauty in the way He uses music to foster that change; music brings people together, music becomes a part of the consumer, at least when you listen and experience it, music changes people, I know it changes me, at least, in theory.

My List

I’ve made a list; this is a list of things that I enjoy, moments that make me smile, memories that I hold close to my heart and the beauty of God’s creation. This list was Amy’s idea, but I found the idea to be more than beautiful. Over this past year my prayer and focus has been to find beauty in simplicity and experience every moment for its true value, to truly see people and to “be” more than “have”. The creation of this list is in itself a memory to hold dear; a fun thing to do with a good friend and an act of worship to thank God for so many of the wonderful things He has created, it’s a time of self reflection; to find the things I put value in and remember to be thankful for how blessed I am. This is my Joy List for today, hopefully not the only one I ever write, for there is always new joy to be found.

1. Knowing God has a plan for your life

2. Deep conversations at 3 am

3. Spending a weekend reading a book

4. Listening to someone passionately play the guitar

5. Black and White photography

6. Looking at a perfect starry sky

7. Odd terms of endearment

8. Watching someone get lost in worship

9. Silent laughter

10. “Right there”

11. Aslin’s song in the Magicians Nephew

12. Capturing a moment in a photograph

13. Hearing someone sing along with the radio at work

14. Amazing Grace at a Flatfoot show

15. Unexpected gifts

16. Feeling safe in a thunderstorm

17. Listening to the rain

18. Smelling the smell of spring

19. Being the only girl with your guy friends

20. That butterflies in the stomach feeling

21. Seeing a movie you loved as a child

22. Getting lost in worship

23. finding adventure with your friends

24. Writing a blog and knowing its God speaking to you

25. Witty people

26. Knowing the answers in a trivia game

27. Seeing how people think

28. Notes from your friends

29. The persistent asking of your friends for you to hang out when you can’t

30. Having such a good time you don’t care you stayed out too late even though you still have to work in the morning

31. Knowing what movie a quote is from

32. “Praise Jesus”

33. Finger painting walls

34. Random inside jokes

35. Good hair days

36. Christian musicians talking about Jesus at a concert

37. Being at a concert when the whole crowd is into the show

38. Cute plaid clothing

39. Morning devotions and worship in Guatemala

40. Bonfires

41. Comfy hoodies

42. Phineas and Ferb

43. Band t-shirts

44. Comfortable hugs

45. Hot cocoa dates with friends

46. Watching Pride and Prejudice

47. Baking Christmas cookies

48. Going to a restaurant and talking for hours

49. Cheesecake

50. Grandma McRae’s macaroni and cheese

51. Bozzy and Maggie (the two coolest dogs I know)

52. Riding in the back of pick-up trucks in Guatemala

53. Cole

54. Long walks with friends

55. Meaningful conversations in the car

56. Learning Spanish words

57. A full notebook

58. People who still shoot in film

59. Getting film developed and loving your prints

60. Worship at Cornerstone

61. Playing with photos on the computer

62. Hour long phone calls just to talk

63. Seeing a grown man play with children

64. Finding a song that perfectly fits your mood

65. Discovering a new band you absolutely love

66. The way fresh snow sparkles

67. Someone talking about the person they love

68. Laughing so hard your abs hurt

69. When people who aren’t your family feel like family

70. Playing Mario games

71. Pictures of random signs

72. Finding money you forgot you had

73. Singing along with musicals

74. Singing in general

75. Receiving a stocking on Christmas morning

76. Spell check on your web browser

77. Warm cloths right out of the dryer

78. Polka Dots

79. Colorful pens

80. Dairy Queen ice cream cake

81. Random complements

82. Realizing you now like food you never did before

83. Getting comments on you blog

84. Being alone without feeling lonely

85. Finding the perfect gift for someone

86. The view from the prayer chapel at Monte Flor

87. Being called Beautiful

88. The way water tastes when you really thirsty

89. Saturday mornings

90. Cheddar biscuits from Red Lobster

91. Being outside on a summer night

92. The excitement of children

93. Pizzeria pizza

94. When you click with someone the first time you meet

95. The feeling of accomplishment you have after a good workout

96. Eating cookie dough while baking cookies

97. “Home”

98. Being in that, you just have to write mood

99. Facial expression

100. British, Australian and New Zeeland accents

101. Knowing what your friends are saying without them saying anything

102. Seeing people truly enjoy music

103. Having such a good day work goes by quickly

104. Reading Michal’s blog

105. Being so tired everything is hilarious

106. My camera

107. Make believe

108. God’s love

Simple as a song

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

Every morning while in Guatemala we had group devotions, at the end of our devotions we would conclude with a time of worship and prayer; everyday at some point in our devotions, worship or prayer this phase, this idea would come out that He sings over us, everyday I would ask God to hear this song; on several occasions throughout the week I could feel this prayer being answered and I would begin to sing. The most obvious of these times that I was granted my prayer was on Wednesday (what can I say Wednesday was a good day) at the refugee camp after I prayed for Gloria I began to just walk the room and pray, after a few minuets of this, my prayer changed from speaking to singing, I just couldn’t stop myself and I didn’t want to, I cherish this moment; something so simple as a song. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, I believe with all my heart the right song heard at the right moment can change a life, this song that I sang I didn’t understand as far as words were concerned, but it came from my heart and God knows what it means. I found something that day as I quietly sang along with God’s song, it was something like peace or joy, maybe that’s what it meant, all I know is that this may be the song that changes my life, if only because I know that God sings over me.

He will rejoice over you with singing

Gloria

I sit here tonight and my heart longs for purpose and direction. I'm trying to think of what story to tell from Guatemala, how do I describe what I experienced there, how do I capture a moment from that week and do it justice with my simple words. The moment I choose to try my hand at is from Wednesday, on that day we visited a refugee camp; people, wonderful beautiful, people who lost most if not all they owned, including homes and possibly family were being housed in a school in Chichi. As we arrived I took to tasks, my job was puppet coordinator so I helped set up the stage, and talked to a few of my team members to be sure we had people behind our puppets, once that was done I decided to help pass out tickets; a few people were already passing out to the kids so I grabbed a ribbon and handed them to the adults around the room, once those tasks were complete it was about time for our service to start. As adorable as the children in the room were I did not feel drawn to sit by them, so I wandered the background with my roll of tickets in hand waiting to pass them out to anyone who may enter late. As I stood in the back behind the children with the adults to the side in chairs along the wall, this sweet young lady walks up to me and asks if I would like a chair; knowing that I would soon be going backstage to get ready for one of our dramas I politely decline, but was extremely touched by her offer. After our drama as our service was coming to a close we prayed for anyone there who wanted prayer; this is where I meet Gloria, this same sweet young lady who had earlier offered me a comfortable place to sit now came for comfort, Luke and I prayed for her together, since I don't know much Spanish I told him to ask her what she would like prayer for, form what he told me, she said she was nervous about her life, her future, I asked God to give her peace and direction, to comfort her and be evident in her life, as we finished I was once again touched by this girl as she told us God bless you and gave us both hugs, after that she just stood where she was and waited I do believe in expectation ready to receive God's peace in that moment. I love it, her faith was more real than anything I have felt since I've been home, this moment, this story truly touches my heart; since arriving home my mind has not been able to stop, I feel lost and my life has seemed nothing more than gloomy the last few days, then I think of Gloria, when she came to my mind today I felt almost sick with myself, broken down over all the sadness I have let myself fall into this week, wondering why I feel so lost just because people around me are making decisions, and taking steps that change their lives. Gloria, beautiful Gloria lost her home, all she had, maybe even family and friends in a mudslide, in and instant what she thought her life was changed by no decision of her own, yet she stood and waited on the Lord. Tonight I am ready to wait, I have my home, I have more possessions that I really need, I have my family and even if some of my friends are moving on to new things in their lives, they are not lost forever. Before we left that place I saw a smile on Gloria's face, I thank God for her tonight, I ask once again for Him to grant her direction and continue to comfort her as she finds her new path in life.

Jehovah-Raah

The Lord is my Shepard

Open Doors

Hi... in all my loneliness about returning "home" I missed something very important; God has a plan and a purpose for my life. Tuesday night before youth we worshiped and prayed like we always do; I'm still processing Guatemala, missing my mission trip "family" and then add in my friend Tyler won't be coming to youth after the fist week of July and he is leaving end of August begining of September and when you throw all that together I'm a bit of a mess this week, especially when you also add a sever lack of sleep, so with all that being said we were worshiping and praying Tuesday night, when Ben said that he felt like we needed to go around our little circle and have everyone pray, my first thought was I don't know what I'm going to say. Then God started speaking to me; He knew that i was sad, confused even lonely, He told me I needed to be thankful for open doors. It seems like everyone around me is on the edge of a new season in their lives, taking steps through open doors, I felt like I was being left behind; like where is my door and then God told me to be thankful for open doors, that's all I needed and I knew in that moment He was telling me that I have a door too, maybe not today, I might have to wait for it but that door is there, and so very worth the wait. I hope it opens soon, I pray for clarity an the path towards it, I'm still a little sad, I'm still a bit lonely but in order for me to find this wonderful, beautiful, amazing door God has for me to walk through I can't go backward, I need to keep looking forward and focus on God, and let Him guide this path.

Home???

Day one back from Guatemala and I feel incredibly lonely; we had a lot of down time this year and I can honestly say that I bonded with the team a lot; by the end of the week it felt almost like we were some sort of family. Then today I was home and without all of them around me and I feel more than lonely; I know it’s silly that that is the thing I seem to miss most right now but its just the first thing, the most obvious of what I don’t have here with me today, I miss so much more than that but right here right now as I should be going to sleep, I just really need to get it out, to say today was hard for me, today as I come home I have so many thoughts running through my mind that I can’t even process them, and all I can think in that chaos is I don’t want to go to work in the morning, I feel terribly lonely I just want my “family” back, and my home doesn’t feel like home today. I’m sorry that I can’t describe my wonderful, beautiful, amazing trip to Guatemala right now, but my heart needs time to process the change and this is where I stand in this moment on this page of my story surrounded by the familiar things of my life, but completely out of sorts in this place called home.

The View

I find myself searching for the beginning of my story and I’m not sure where to start. So I’ll take the view from today. In less than one week, five days to be exact I will be on my way to Guatemala for the second time. I could talk about my previous trip and tell you how it changed me; tell you how I’m not the same person I was the last time that I went. I could say how my heart longs to return, how I want nothing more than to give my whole heart to that place and let God take control of it. I could make a list of things I wish to see and let you know how much I long for God to open my eyes. But in the end what is my story? Its about a girl just living her life, a life she desires to give to God, a life that was bought with a price to be given as an offering, and this is my life, my path is not my own I didn’t earn it, what’s mine is how I get to see it, the way I see is special, no one else walks this same path and sees the way I see, so the view form today is just that a view all my own that I will try to enjoy. Less than one week that is what consumes my thoughts today, but every moment is special and today is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad.